Spanish For Xenophobes

(The dictionary definition of a xenophobe is a person who fears all things foreign, especially foreign languages.)
This article is for a different type of Spanish learner .The type of person who sees him or herself in a country of foreigners and who sometimes needs to speak to the natives about something or other and who finds a nation of people who can’t speak English a real inconvenience and down right uncivilized .
This method that has been especially invented for them. You will learn in this short course such valuable phrases as “Do you have a garlic free zone” and “your donkey is standing on my foot”. Here is a short guide on how to use this new and exciting concept in language learning.
Phrases are given in English. Then the Spanish in italics. Then the Spanish pronunciation for the English tongue is set out in bold type and between brackets.  The faster you say the words in bold type, the bolder you will become, and thus convince the natives that what they are hearing is in fact their own language. (Note that confidence is of paramount importance here if you can’t be understood by a Spanish person don’t think it is because of your pronunciation it is probably because they are deaf so shouting is a good option).
Spoken Spanish varies everywhere. In Galicia the accents are clear, in Andalucia confused and, within Andalucia that spoken in Granada is different to that spoken in Seville. For example, the Spanish for fish is pescado (pess ka doe).In parts of Andalucia they say pecao (peck cow) it is best to carry on regardless.
Here are some essential sentences you might not be able to mime however even these can be mimed with a little practise and miming is often a very good option when you are trying to get your point across to the natives.
I am allergic to peanuts –prawns-nitro glycerine
Soy alérgico a los cacahuetes –las gambas –la nitro glicerina.
(soy / al air hee co /ah /loss/cack ah wet ess –lass gam bass –la/ knee tro /glee serene ah.)   
I have lost one of my contact lenses.
He perdido una de mis lentillas
(Heh /pair dee doe /oon ah /de /mees /len tea yass)
It fell in the paella
Se cayó en la paella
(Seh /kah yo / en / la /pie eh yah)
Where is the nearest garage for repairs?
¿Dónde está el garage con taller más próximo?
(Don deh /ess tah / ell / gar rah eh /con /tah ee air /mas /proxy mo)
How long will it take?
¿Cuánto tardara?
(Coo one toe /tar dar rah)
How long!
(coo one toe!)
What the hell are you hooting at!
Deja de tocar el pito!
(De ha / deh /toe car /ell pee to)
This actually translates to,” stop playing the horn”. Pito also means  willy!
I´ve just been there and they told me to come here.
Acabo de estar allí y me dijieron que viniese aquí.
(Ack ah boe / de /ess tar /ay ee / meh / dee Heron /keh / vee knee ess eh /ah key)
At the Barber’s in Seville.
El Barbero de Sevilla
(Ell /Bar bay roe /de / se vee yah)
Were you trained as a hairdresser in the army?
¿Fuiste entrenado como peluquero en la mili?
(Foo east teh / en tren ah doe / kom oh / pell loo keh roe / en / la/ mee lee )
Could your children play somewhere else?
¿Podrían vuestros niños jugar en otra parte?
(Pod ree an /voo est ross /knee yoss / who gar / en /oat rah / party)
What spectacular fireworks!
Que fuegos artificiales tan espectaculares.
(Keh /foo egg oss / art tee see ah lez / tan /es speck tack coo la rez )
Don’t worry my hair is only a little singed.
No se precoupe,me pelo solo está un poco
(No /seh /pray ock coop eh / mee / pello /solo /ess tah /oon /poke oh /keh ma doe )
In English the question “Are you alone?” can be asked of a boy or a girl. In Spanish the question has two versions.
Está solo (for a boy)
Está sola (for a girl)
Should you be male and get them wrong by asking “Estás sola?”
Of another man you could be in deep trouble!
Last of all the most used word in the Spanish language is mañana for it not only means tomorrow, but also some time tomorrow. The day after that, Next week. Next month. Next year. Best think in terms of the next few decades.
So if you feel speaking English to speak Spanish is your type of course you can learn more important pieces of information by reading the book SPANISH FOR XENOPHOBES published by Oval books, only for some reason it is not available in Spain so you may need to get it through the internet. As some of the extracts taken from this book have been used for this article and before copyright laws are enforced please note that Connie is at the moment  teaching English to Mongolian war lords in Mongolia and is unavailable for comment and Catherine the school administrator who lend the book to Connie for the purpose of this article is doing a course in Japanese in Japan and is not available for questioning so if you do see someone who looks a lot like Catherine on a stall at the car boot sale on Sunday at Liria market its her twin sister who answers to the name of Vinchenta.  
By Connie
Tel 962522949
 spanish lessons with connie.gif

Additional information